Back at it…

If life has taught me anything, it is that life gets in the way sometimes. We fall off the bandwagon, we reach goals, hit a plateau and then are unable to keep up for whatever reason. I was doing so well with workouts for a while, a year ago I was “go heavy or go home” every day. Working out daily, drinking my shakes, kicking ass and taking names. Then one thing led to another and another and the Shakes stopped, then the workouts stopped. And I spiraled into a deep pit of despair and depression.

I started working out again with my hubby earlier this year and we were doing well until he had one too many injury and life got him (and then me) down. The depression I’d begun to fight off with my workouts started to spiral again. I spent a large part of the Summer fighting, hating myself and what I was becoming, but not having the energy to change it.

When the kids started back to school last week I changed that. Hubby and I set a firm date and we started working out again. We picked up The Master’s Hammer and Chisel again and I’m bound and determined to finish it this time and not let myself NOT work out. I don’t like who I am when I don’t workout. I am beyond cranky and hate myself. Not just the “I feel like a slob because all of my hard work has disappeared” dislike, but the “chemicals are going completely wonky in my brain and making my head an ugly place to be.”

This week I am fighting through the sore and tender of hard workouts starting to change and shape my body. This morning I woke up and could barely sit to go to the bathroom or lift my shirt over my head, let alone the sports bra that is utterly necessary! But you know what? Despite the sore. Despite the tired. Despite everything else, I knew the workout needed done this morning or it would not be done. I refuse to not do the workouts. I need them.

Not to get fit, not to lose weight. Not to look good in a dress or have a flat stomach. Though I admit those are definitely small perks of my workouts and work to change my eating habits. No. The real reason I need them is because they help me be happier. Because my brain gets chemicals it needs to feel accomplished and be happier. I know I’m doing something for me. I’m taking time for me. I’m working ON and WITH me to make me a better, more complete and happier person. Because for me, when workouts are done, and one well, they are a drug. They are a high that reminds me I am good enough, I am stronger than I thought, and I can kick ass when I put my mind to it.

So yes, I’m back. I don’t know that the posts will be every day or even every week. But I will endeavor to come back and share more, more often, as I go. Thank you for joining me on this journey, even if just from the sidelines following as I do it. Cheering me on or shaking your head in laughter Either way you acknowledge that my journey is mine and give me a bit more energy and support to do what I do for me. No one else, just me.


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